The Missing
by prettylittlewriters
Summary: Spencer & Toby have been to hell and back for each other. After an unexpected event in their lives they find themselves in a darker place than ever before. Possibly to be rated M in the future. Reviews are much appreciated!
1. She's gone, but She's everywhere

_**She sat the beautifully carved**_ antique photo frame back down on her nightstand. Inside a picture of a small child smiled back at her, her dark hair falling around her face in ringlets. Her blue eyes dancing as she reached out at the photographer that had captured the moment. Spencer gingerly touched the photo before turning away.

"Three years old today…," Spencer rolled over in the bed sadly, looking at Toby. He turned to face her, his eyes not their usual baby blue - but dark, saddened. He nodded slowly and pulled her tired body to his chest. He hadn't forgotten, no, Toby would never forget the day his life became whole - and he would never forget the day it was taken away in an instant.

"Toby?" She softly asked, resting her chin on his chest, studying his rigid expression.

"Sorry. I just…" He started, shaking his head.

"..I know," She sighed and finished for him. No explanation was necessary.

It had been just over six months since their world had come crashing down. Spencer had given birth to a beautiful baby girl at the age of seventeen - she quickly became the highlight of her parents lives. Her name was Holly, carefully chosen to represent the character that had first brought Spencer and Toby together - Holden Caufield. Toby worked as a carpenter in the neighboring town of High Falls, Spencer finished her degree at Rosewood High with determination and perseverance, proving her disapproving parents wrong once more - and continuing on to Hollis, working towards a degree in interior design. They were happier than either ever would have dreamed. That was, until the_ incident_.

It started as a normal day for Toby, Spencer, and Holly. Spencer had awoken early, starting coffee for Toby and kissing him lovingly before sending him off to work. She drank a mug full before waking Holly, and dressing her for the day. Toby had bought his girls tickets to see Disney on Ice in New York City - he knew how much Holly enjoyed watching the princess movies. She was his little princess, his everything. Spencer tucked Holly safely in her carseat before heading off towards the city, singing along to nursery rhymes on the radio and smiling at her little girl in the rearview mirror. She pulled off the highway at a truck stop to take gas - Holly held her hand as they waited in line to pay. Only for a split second did she let go of the little girl, handing the cashier her credit card. When she turned around, Holly was gone - it was as if she vanished into thin air. Not once single person in the sea of faces had seen or heard a thing. Just like that, Holly was missing.

Toby's fingers reached out to Spencer's chin, lifting her face slightly and allowing her mouth to meet the level of his. "It's not your fault," He said, planting soft kisses around her lips. Toby had reminded her of this at least once a day since it had happened. With those words, she started to cry, his arms snaked their way around her, tightly holding her against him as if she might be taken from him, too. "I love you so much, Spencer Jill…" He kissed the top of her head as the sobs wracked her body. Soon, he felt her muscles begin to relax, and a few moments later she was asleep. He reached out for the light next to the bed, gazing longingly at the photo on the nightstand before hitting the switch. "And I love you, Holly…" He whispered, as he did every night, before closing his own tired eyes.

**_"Oh my god, put it out, put it out!"_** Hanna squealed as her marshmallow caught fire. Caleb rolled his eyes and grabbed it from her - blowing the now charred marshmallow and slapping it on a graham cracker before handing it over to Hanna. Spencer grinned at the couple sitting across the fire from Toby and herself. They were carefree, it was something that she had missed desperately. "Thanks, babe," Hanna grinned and took a bite of the s'more daintily - a seemingly impossible task, but Hanna pulled it off flawlessly.

"You want one?" Toby asked, kissing Spencer's temple gently as he reached for a marshmallow and a stick. Spencer shook her head,

"Thanks, but I'm just not that hungry," She offered him a small smile.

Across the fire Hanna rolled her eyes,

"Spencer. You've lost a lot of weight. I demand you eat that s'more." She raised an eyebrow at Spencer, who shook her head again.

"I'm really just not hungry, I'm not trying to lose weight or anything.. I just, don't find it appetizing," She shrugged. The truth was that Spencer HAD lost quite a bit of weight - 15 pounds since Holly had gone missing. 15 pounds missing from her already seemingly too skinny and slender frame. She hadn't felt much like eating. It was just hard, nothing tasted right - and most of the time she would find herself emptying the contents of her meals into the toilet moments after eating. Hanna looked over at Toby, raising her other eyebrow. He shook his head gently, gazing longingly at his wife.

"Babe, just one, they're good, I promise, for me?" He stuck out his bottom lip at her, his eyes growing large and puppy-like. It was Spencer's turn to roll her eyes,

"Alright, alright, just one. I don't like them burnt though! Just golden brown," She said affirmatively.

Toby's pout turned into a grin and he stuck the marshmallow on the end of his stick.

"Good, we need to fatten you up," Hanna grinned at her friend, clutching to Caleb's arm. Spencer forced a smile back and shrugged, she knew they meant well - but it was just so hard for her to feign happiness. Each passing day, instead of getting easier, it grew harder. Toby handed her the s'more, and she nibbled on the edges - she had to admit he definitely had gotten it perfect for her.

"Thanks," She said, stuffing the last of it in her mouth. He smiled and kissed her lips gently, licking the remaining sticky mess off of them. She had to giggle at that, "Ew, gross," She licked over her lips as she pulled away.

"What? Tasted good to me," He laughed and placed his arm around her shoulders.

"This is nice," Hanna sighed happily, "I feel like it's been forever since we've just hung out with you two," She leaned into Caleb's shoulder. "We've been so busy planning the wedding that we haven't had much time for fun."

Toby nodded back,

"Understandable," he grinned, "Spencer spent every free moment for months before the big day on the phone with either the caterer or the florist," he laughed as she nudged his shoulder, "What? You were. But it was worth it. It was one of the very best days of my life. And you looked stunning."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"You didn't look half bad yourself," She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Oh, Spence, I meant to ask… Where did you get Holly's dress? It was just perfect, I want a similar one for our flower girl" Hanna asked in typical Hanna fashion, without thinking. Caleb stiffened and nudged her hard, Toby's grasp on Spencer tightened as he felt her body go rigid. Hanna looked around, her lips forming an O as she fell silent.

"We should probably go get some sleep," Toby offered, trying to remove himself and his wife from the awkward situation. Spencer shook her head,

"I can't avoid the topic forever," She sighed shakily, "I'll e-mail you the name of the bridal shop," her words caught in her throat. She stood up off of the log as she felt the tears springing behind her eyelids. "I'm.. going to go for a walk."

"What? We're in the middle of the woods!" Hanna stated, her eyes widening. Spencer ignored her, and took off towards the dark trail, Toby jogging up behind her.

"Hey.. hey wait.." He placed a hand on her shoulder, she stopped and crossed her arms over her chest.

"How could she ask that? How could she think it was perfectly fine to say?" She turned to face him, her face was red. She was angry. "How dare she?"

Toby placed his hands on hers and shook his head,

"Baby, no.. she didn't mean it that way, she wasn't thinking…"

"Well she should have been!" Spencer cried, trying to pull her hands out of his, but he refused to let go. He knew this side of his wife, and this wasn't the first time she'd become angry at the mention of their daughter. "Tobias Cavanaugh, let go of me!" She huffed, fighting his grasp. He shook his head,

"SPENCER. Calm. Please calm down." He raised his voice as he pulled the fighting girl into his chest, as if on cue she collapsed into his body, shaking once again with sobs. "Spencer.. I know. I know," He soothed, she looked up at him pathetically.

"What's wrong with me?" She wailed, shaking her head, "I can't.. I can't live like this. I can't eat, I can't sleep… I can't even have a normal conversation"

Toby sighed and bit his lip,

"Maybe it's time we talk to someone… a therapist," He brushed a stray strand of hair away from her eyes, hoping she would agree. She looked away from him, nodding after a few agonizingly silent moments.

"Okay," She breathed, "I… I can try."

He nodded, he loved her more than anything in the world. He knew this was slowly killing her.

"That's all I ask."

**A/N** - It's been a while since I've written anything - I hope you all enjoy this. Heartbreaking storyline, but I CAN promise some beautiful Spencer & Toby moments, which we all need desperately after the heartbreak of last Monday! - anyway, the end of this chapter was kind of crappy, and I apologize for that, it's currently 5AM. Why am I even awake


	2. The Pursuit of Happiness

**A/N Thank you guys for the reviews. I'm so glad you liked it. I feel like I tend to drabble on about stupid things - which end up making NO sense. This chapter is kind of long, for me, anyway. The next one I'm working on right now - so you shouldn't have to wait too long for an update unless the dreadful writers block hits.**

_"Higher, daddy!" She squealed as the swing started to move, "Higher!" _

_Toby laughed, pushing the back a bit harder and shaking his head._

_"Princess, if I push any higher you're going to go over the top! Your Momma would have my head!"_

_Holly turned around in the swings and gave him a bewildered look,_

_"You silly, Daddy," She said, rolling her eyes in typical Spencer fashion before turning back around and facing front, "NOW HIGHER!" She demanded with resonating giggle. _

Toby's eyes opened slowly, he wanted the dream to continue. Just a few more minutes, he begged his subconscious, just give me a few more minutes with her. It was no use, he was awake, and today was a big day. Today was their first meeting with the therapist he had found for Spencer and himself to begin seeing. He knew she was less than thrilled, considering her last encounter with a therapist ended in utter failure. He, himself, had never been much of a talker when it came to strangers - he didn't think the doctor would be able to help him at all, but he was willing to give it a shot. Of course they would never give up hope of seeing their daughter alive and well, but it was becoming more of a grim possibility with each passing day that she would never return. Something that was becoming harder and harder for him to accept. He knew Spencer felt the same.

Toby leaned over and shook his sleeping wife gently,

"Babe… c'mon, time to get up," He whispered softly. She groaned and pushed her face farther into the pillow. "Spence, c'mon," He grinned and moved his hand to the exposed flesh on her side, "I swear I'll tickle." Spencer turned to face him and pouted,

"No fair, no fair at all," She said, her voice heavy with sleep as she closed her eyes again. He shrugged and moved his fingers fast, inciting a shriek from Spencer, who immediately shot up, "Toby!" She whacked him with her arm, "I'm awake, I'm awake!"

He grinned and stopped the tickle torture before swinging his feet over the edge of the bed and stretching.

"I'll make coffee, we've got an hour before we need to leave if we want to make it High Falls by 9:30." He leaned over and kissed her forehead before heading down out of the room and into the kitchen.

x x

The office reminded Spencer eerily of Dr. Sullivan's back in Rosewood. She and Toby sat on a large, very comfortable, beige couch, the doctor sat across from them in a swiveling high end office chair. There was a clock on the table next to him, reminding him of the amount of time left in their session. The clock served purpose for Spencer as well, she couldn't wait to leave - she was here to give Toby piece of mind, and that was it. Nothing this quack could do or say to her would help. The only thing that would help was closure, in whatever form it may come.

"Well," Dr. Sardo clucked his tongue and let out a heavy sigh, "I certainly must express my condolences - this is a highly unusual situation," He shook his head, "I've counseled many couples who have lost children - however, what makes your case unique is the possibility that all is not lost," He raised an eyebrow and peeked over his librarian-like glasses at Spencer, "Have there been any leads in the case?"

Toby quickly shook his head as Spencer spoke,

"No," She said, flatly and seemingly without interest. Truthfully, she had little faith in the Rosewood PD - especially after they let a creep like Garret onto the force, "My parents have hired a private investigator - but it's been over two months since we've heard anything."

Dr. Sardo nodded slowly,

"Are you frustrated with the way it's been handled? Do you believe you've been taken seriously?" He raised an eyebrow again. Spencer sighed, it was all she could do not to roll her eyes. _He needed a medical degree for this?_ It was Toby who spoke.

"Law Enforcement has been on our side since day one. Rosewood and Hancock PD - as well as federal law enforcement. They've tracked down all leads. Our story was aired on Dateline and Nancy Grace - but she.. well," He looked over at Spencer, sorry he'd brought it up.

"She what?" He asked, looking from Spencer to Toby.

"She insinuated that a child couldn't have possibly gone missing without anyone having seen anything. She dug up information on my past. and spent the entire hour - and I'm sure many after that, which I've refused to watch - trying to convince America that I was a neglectful mother who…" She couldn't finish that sentence. Dr. Sardo understood.

"She believed that you were at fault," He offered, Spencer nodded, gritting her teeth. "What information about your past?"

"I was a person of interest in the murder of Alison DiLaurentis," She said softly, looking down at her nails - they had suddenly become very interesting, "Toby was actually arrested at one point during the investigation. He was cleared - but since the case has never been solved, my name has never been cleared and it remains on my record," She shuddered. It had been years since she or her friends had heard from A, but the trauma had never left.

"Spencer didn't hurt Alison. The cops have no evidence to suggest that she did. They were friends," Toby jumped in. Dr. Sardo put his hand up in protest,

"I'm not here to judge. Or to accuse. I'm simply here to listen," He looked at the pair, "Do you feel responsible, Spencer?"

It was the question she had been dreading. _Yes_, she wanted to scream. She wanted to shout from the rooftops that it had all been her fault - if she had just left Holly tucked safely in her carseat, or if she had just had her credit card out and ready to pay instead of having to let go of her hand to dig for it… She shook her head,

"I don't know. I know what I did. I've replayed that day in my mind a million times. I can't remember anybody out of the ordinary. I.. I just wish I'd paid more attention," She replied, finally, "Maybe I would have seen something if I'd paid more attention… Maybe I wouldn't have stopped at that truck stop if I'd known that the town had such a high crime rate.. maybe…." She choked on that last word, refusing to cry in front of this man. Toby reached over and gently rested his hand on the small of her slumped back,

"Spence… we've been over this," He softly soothed her, "You did nothing wrong. You couldn't have known."

Dr. Sardo nodded,

"I'm inclined to agree with Toby. I have three children. I'm not a perfect parent. Heck, just last Christmas I lost my youngest at Macy's in Herald Square for over an hour," He said, shaking his head, "Spencer, I think the only way for you to being to move forward is for you to stop blaming yourself for Holly's disappearance. The cold hard fact is that it happened. You can't change the past. What happened was tragic, and horrible - but it is not, and will never be, your fault."

Spencer nodded silently - she sat that way until the buzzer went off on the small clock. Dr. Sardo set the paperwork down and sighed heavily,

"I can help you. Both of you," He said, sitting forwards in his chair, "You just have to be willing to let me."

They agreed to come back the same time next week. Toby still believed it was best for Spencer, and Spencer had little grounds to disagree.

x x

Almost four months passed since the first visit with Dr. Sardo, and much to Spencer and even Toby's surprise, he'd managed to help both of them tremendously. Spencer found herself smiling again - not forcibly so, either. Toby found himself able to sleep at night with growing ease. Their relationship had grown even stronger after Dr. Sardo had suggested they start going out on dates, rather than staying home in front of the television. Although Holly was still very much in the back of their minds at all times, it was becoming easier to enjoy life once more.

"Ew, what are you eating?" Toby asked, his eyes widening as he walked into the living room to find Spencer with an open tub of icing and string cheese. He plopped down on the couch next to her, sticking his finger into the icing and licking it off before she could reply.

"Hey, get your own dinner," She retorted, "And, it's the only thing that sounded in the least bit appetizing. Aside from Doritos. Why don't we have any Doritos?" She asked, sticking out her bottom lip a little. Toby raised his eyebrow, looking from the string cheese to the icing and shaking his head.

"If this is what you call dinner, I need to start cooking for you again," He stuck his finger into the icing again, despite Spencer's protest, and once again licked it off, "And we don't have any Doritos because you've NEVER liked Doritos."

"I haven't?" She asked, pondering the thought, "Huh. I guess you're right. They just sound really good…" She peeled a bit of string cheese and dangled it into her mouth.

"You've either completely lost it, or you're pregnant," He shook his head, he was kidding about the last part, of course, but at the mention of it Spencer bit her lip, "Wait… Spencer… is there something you're not telling me?"

"I… I'm not sure. I don't know yet." She looked away from him, "I didn't want to say anything and then…"

"Wait, seriously? You think you might be pregnant?" He couldn't believe the words were even leaving his lips. She nodded slowly,

"Id say there is a high likely hood of that, yes," She went back to sticking a piece of cheese into her mouth.

"How are you so calm about this?" He asked, incredulously, "I.. you… Spencer?" She was swirling her finger around in the vat of icing, seemingly preoccupied by it, "Spencer. How long have you suspected this?"

"A few weeks…" She licked her finger and went to stick it back in before Toby grabbed her hand,

"Spence. Stop. You're avoiding this. Why are you avoiding this?" He let go of her hand and put a finger under her chin, turning her face towards his. She sighed and looked down, setting the icing on the coffee table and crossing her legs underneath her.

"I don't know," She said, her voice was small, "I don't think anyone could ever replace Holly… she was everything. I don't want anyone to think that that's what happened…" She shook her head.

"But.. Spencer, no… We want this. We've wanted a second child for a long time. Yes, recent events put that on hold - as they should have - but… Spencer. If you're pregnant.. I…" He tried to find the words, "No child could _ever_ replace Holly. No one could ever think that," He shook his head, "But.. Oh, god, Spencer… I can't deny the fact that I would be so happy to see that second pink line on a pregnancy test. A second baby would never be a replacement. It would be a second miracle."

She looked up at him, studying his face. The last time she'd seen him this sincere about anything was the day they had exchanged their self-written wedding vows. Spencer sat silently for a minute before nodding,

"Will you go buy me a test?


	3. God Gave Me You

A/N Thank you guys for the reviews, again! I love the feedback. This chapter is short.. I ran out of inspiration for the Toby/Maya/Spencer/Emily scene towards the end - but I do promise more fluffy friendship scenes in the future! Read and review!

xx

Spencer lay sprawled out in their king size bed, sans any form of clothing. Toby's head rested on her slender stomach, gently stroking the curves of her profound hip bones. She was pregnant. There was a baby growing inside of her. HIS baby. When Spencer had found out that she was pregnant with Holly the entire world had been against them - he couldn't think of a single person who had actually allowed them to enjoy the thought of becoming parents. Of course, she was merely two hours old before family and friends started coming around, and eventually she was the center of everyone's undivided attention. This time? This time he knew that everyone would be incredibly happy for them. They needed this. They needed something to look forward to. He knew Spencer felt as though the timing wasn't exactly impeccable, but Toby was sure it couldn't be better if they had tried.

"Aria's going to be so mad at me," Spencer said with a slight grin on her face as she absentmindedly stroked Toby's hair, "She and Ezra have been trying for a few months now," She looked down at him.

"No she won't, she's going to be happy for you. As will Hanna and Emily," He reluctantly removed his head from her abdomen and moved himself so their faces were only inches apart, "We deserve this, Spencer. Don't you even think for a moment that we don't"

She shook her head,

"I know we do," She grinned and rested her hand on his cheek, "I just hope the rest of the world agrees."

"They will, and if they don't? They can go to hell for all I care," He pulled her close and kissed her lips, she kissed back, enjoying the feeling of his soft lips against hers. He reluctantly pulled away after a few moments, "We should probably get ready, If I know Emily, and I like to think I do, her and Maya will be early, as usual."

Spencer nodded and grinned, "Yeah, they will - I'm excited to see Em. It's been too long," She sighed and stood, walking over to the closet and mixing and matching for the perfect outfit. She pulled her knee high equestrian style boots on over her slender legs and looked over at Toby, "I still can't believe Emily joined the army. Growing up I always thought she wanted out of the military life - by any means possible."

Toby dressed quickly and nodded,

"Me too… but people change," He shrugged, "And you know how she felt about her father."

Spencer nodded, pondering. Emily had just returned from her first tour of duty in Afghanistan. After high school, she had done a semester of college with Spencer at Hollis before her father had been killed in combat over in Iraq. Emily took it hard at first, very hard. But soon she had become determined to follow in his footsteps. Maya had supported her every step of the way, which Spencer was very grateful for. She felt protective over Emily, almost like an older sister. She had been less than thrilled when Emily had told her a mere couple of months after Holly had gone missing that she was going to have to leave for active duty.

"Ready?" Toby asked, placing his hands gently on her hips, she nodded with a smile, "Good, lets go see our Lieutenant Fields."

x x

As soon as Emily and Spencer saw each other all manners went out the window.

"Emily!" Spencer ran to her friend and threw her arms around her neck, Emily smiled widely and hugged her back.

"Spence! Oh, honey, you look great!" She hugged her tightly and pulled back, studying her friend before hugging her again. Spencer smiled,

"You too, Lieutenant," She laughed at the sound, peeking over Emily's shoulder and waving at Maya. Emily stepped around Spencer and walked over to Toby as Spencer walked to greet Maya.

"Hey," She grinned at him, "I've missed you."

"You too," He pulled her into a tight hug, happy to have his friend home safe. Emily pulled away and held onto his forearms, looking up at him, her face growing serious.

"Now, before we walk over there. How is she, really?" She nodded over her shoulder towards Spencer. Toby shook his head,

"She's okay. It's hard. Every day is hard," He sighed and scratched the back of his head, "We're going to be okay," He offered a small smile. She nodded back, turning towards her girlfriend and best friend who were comparing boots eagerly. Emily had to laugh, she really enjoyed the fact that the pair got along so well.

They were seated in the back - swapping stories, Spencer filled Emily in on the gossip she had missed, Emily and Toby talked combat, Maya and Spencer shared shopping tips - it was nothing but a wonderful evening. There wasn't a single mention of Holly, and for that? Spencer was grateful.

"How about some wine?" Emily lifted the bottle from the center of the table, pouring some in her glass, Maya's, and then going for Spencer's. Spencer pushed her hand away gently,

"Oh, no. None for me," She smiled gently. Emily pulled back, raising an eyebrow,

"But I got your favorite," She pouted, pouring some for Toby before he could protest. Spencer shrugged,

"I'm sorry Em," She bit her lip, looking down and rubbing her flat stomach gently, "No alcohol for the next couple of months."

Emily and Maya's eyes widened, Toby grinned and wrapped an arm around Spencer's shoulders. Spencer looked up at them and nodded slowly, a smile spreading across her face.

"Spencer!" Emily stood up and threw her arms around the pair, "You're pregnant!"

Spencer laughed and hugged her back, nodding into her shoulder,

"Yes. I am," She pulled away and looked at Toby, she was positively glowing - the last time he'd seen her this happy was before Holly went missing.

"How far along are you? How long have you known about this? Why didn't you tell me! Do Aria and Hanna know..?" The questions continued to spill out of Emily's mouth, Spencer raised her eyebrows and looked over at Toby for help. He couldn't help but laugh, putting his hands over Emily's across the table.

"Em! Slow down! We just found out a few days ago," He shook his head with a grin, "You're the first to know."

"I'm about four weeks," Spencer added with a nod.

"Oh, I'm so happy for you! Both of you. This is the best possible news I could have come home to." Emily smiled genuinely, She squeezed Toby's hands, "You deserve this more than anybody."

"Thanks," Spencer shook her head, "We're really happy. I've just been really nervous about telling everyone…" She bit her lip, "You don't think I'm trying to replace Holly, right? Because I'm not. We're not. I swear we're…."

"No!" Emily cut her off, "We would never think that, ever," She shook her head vigorously, "Anyone who says that to you is cruel and disgusting, Spence. No one who has seen what you've been through since Holly disappeared could ever think that. We're all behind you, I know I speak for Aria and Hanna too - no matter what."

Spencer nodded and sighed, hoping she was right.


	4. The Point of No Return

**A/N - God, this chapter was really heart wrenching for me to write. I promise fluff in the future, really, I do. You shouldn't have to wait long for an update. **

**Enjoy.**

**Thanks for the reviews. Oh, and to answer the question about their age - Spencer had Holly when she was 17, Holly turned three the day I began the story - so my guess would be Spencer is about to turn 21, Toby, who I've always assumed was older because of the books, is either 22 or 23. **

x x

Winter was always long in Pennsylvania. The sun was a rare sight, and the snow that fell beautifully at first soon turned to a slushy grey mess - putting even the happiest person in a dull mood. Spencer was generally at peace with the cold weather, but currently? Everything hurt, her legs, her back, her head - all she wanted was a warm day that she could actually enjoy without bundling under twelve layers of clothing.

"Toby?" She called out, walking down the steps to the basement, "Have you fixed it yet?"

The water heater hadn't been working since the pipes had frozen a few days earlier. Toby, being his handy self, had decided that rather than call someone to do the job he was qualified to handle the mess himself. Spencer hadn't been so sure, but at five months pregnant she had to pick her battles - and this was one she was sure she'd lose, anyway.

"Almost done," Toby called back, tightening a bolt on the back of the giant metal tank. Spencer shivered and wrapped her sweater around herself a bit tighter.

".. You sure? We can still call someone to take a look at it," She stepped towards him. He peaked his head out at her, raising an eyebrow.

"Spence, I got it. It's too cold down here for you. The heat vents are closed. Go upstairs, I'll be up in a minute, okay?" He went back to working, grinning a bit at the look of doubt on her face. She sighed and nodded, rolling her eyes and retreating back up the steps. She grabbed the tea kettle from under the sink, filling it with water before letting it boil. Even though she was well into her second trimester, morning sickness still hit her nearly every day like a ton of bricks. Tea seemed to be the only remedy, and she found herself drinking cup after cup on a daily basis.

The phone rang out from the living room, startling Spencer out of a daze. She swiftly moved to grab it, the number wasn't familiar - she frowned, answering it hesitantly.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mrs. Cavanaugh? This is Detective Patterson down at the Rosewood Police Station."

_The police?_ They hadn't heard from the detectives in months.

"Y..Yes. This is she," She answered, cautiously.

"Mrs. Cavanaugh, I need you and your husband to come down to the station immediately. We have some news."

Before Spencer could answer there was a click at the end of the line. She stood staring at the phone in shock for a moment before tossing it on the couch and dashing to the basement door.

"Toby. Get up here. NOW." She shouted, she headed towards the closet, grabbing her coat without hesitation.

"What? Are you okay? Is something wrong with the baby?" He ran over to her, resting his hand on her distended belly. She shook her head vigorously,

"No. That was the detective working our case. They need us at the station. They have news." She pulled her gloves over her hands.

"Wait.. what? Are you serious?" He asked, looking dumbfounded,

"No. I thought it would be a nice practical joke…" She said, irritably, "YES. I'm serious. Let's go!"

x x

"Can somebody please help us?" Toby asked at the reception desk, his voice strained, "We've been waiting here for over half an hour, we were told there had been a break in our daughters missing-persons case."

The officer seated at the desk looked up at him,

"They asked me to have you wait, sir. That's all I know," He shook his head and went back to the paperwork he seemed incredibly _thrilled_ to be filing.

Toby and Spencer sat in the lobby for at least another twenty minutes, twenty minutes that felt like hours, until Detective Patterson emerged from a back office.

"Mr. & Mrs. Cavanaugh, come with me," He led them to a back room, a room that looked an awful lot like the interrogation room Spencer and her friends had found themselves in years prior.

"Please. I can't take this anymore. Just tell us what's going on?" Spencer asked, she was desperate to know.

Detective Patterson sighed heavily and shook his head,

"I'm sorry to relay this news to you, but the remains of a girl matching Holly's description were found in the woods about 30 miles south of the truck stop she was abducted from," He bit his lip, "We're waiting on a positive DNA ID from the lab, but that could take days. We.. wanted you to make the ID."

Spencer's heart sank lower than it ever had before. She looked over at Toby, tears filling her eyes. He himself was stunned, choking back a sob that wanted to escape from his throat. He wrapped his arms around Spencer, pulling her into his chest silently.

"I'm so sorry," The detective said again, his heart aching for the couple. Toby bit his lip and nodded, unwilling to let go of his wife.

"We'll do it - " he thought for a moment, "I'll do it… I don't think it would be good for her," He wiped a tear off his cheek, one that had somehow escaped. Spencer sobbed into his chest, unable to regain her composure.

"No, no.." She shook her head, pulling away from him, "I want to see her. I want to see my baby girl."

Toby's heavy heart heaved, but he nodded.

"I'll have an officer escort you to the morgue," The detective said, leaving the couple to wait agonizingly once again.

x x

Spencer and Toby were escorted silently into a hallway with a glass window into the morgue, to Toby it reminded him of an episode of CSI - this couldn't be real. He wasn't standing here. Holly was safe at home - in bed. It couldn't be her under the small white sheet, laying on a cold metal table.

"Are you ready?" The detective asked gently.

Spencer grabbed Toby's arm for support and nodded. He signaled the medical examiner to pull the sheet back, and she did. Spencer looked at the little girl laying stiff only a few feet in front of her. Her stomach doubled over into her throat, she could feel the acidic vomit burning.

"I'm going to be sick," She squeaked, running out the door they had been led in.

The detective shook his head, looking over at Toby and placing a kind hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, son. From the bottom of my heart."

Toby swallowed hard, tears streaming down his cheeks. He shook his head.

"No, sir. You don't understand," He turned to the detective, "That… That's not our Holly.


	5. The Little Things in Life

**A/N - as promised, super fluffy chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. I needed this after Monday's heartbreak. **

x x

"It was awful, so awful," Spencer sniffed, cradling the cup of tea Toby had made for her in her hands, "I… I can only imagine what that poor girls parents are going through" She rested her head on Toby's shoulder.

He sighed and nodded, kissing the top of her head gently. It hadn't been Holly. He was so thankful, yet, terrified at the same time. What if this happened again? How many times would they have to endure this horrible punishment? He didn't think Spencer could handle another scare, especially not in the state she was currently in. Since they had returned home she hadn't left his side. She wanted nothing more than to be close to him, she hadn't even allowed him to shower without her. He didn't mind, of course, he found it endearing - although, he knew why she was acting the way she was. If she was left alone to her own devices her mind would churn - she would picture the face of the dead little girl, the face would eventually be construed by her mind to resemble their precious baby girl.

He gladly accepted the task of occupying her mind, after all, just a few weeks prior they had learned they would be having another girl. Toby couldn't be happier - sure, he would love to have a son one day, but there was something about the bond between a father and a daughter that he absolutely adored. It was unspoken, and unbreakable. No matter what. He took the now empty tea cup out of Spencer's hands, setting it on the table and pulling her into his lap, his hands protectively finding their way to her stomach.

"Y'know… we haven't discussed names, yet," He nuzzled into her neck, looking at her expectantly. She had to grin, his blue eyes were just too hard to resist. "I, personally, think we should once again avoid all family names. Veronica reminds me of the wicked witch of the west - " Spencer shot him a look, " - er, sorry, she just scares me still… but, my mother's name wasn't any better, I refuse to have a daughter named Gladys."

Spencer laughed heartily at that,

"No. I agree," She gingerly ran her fingers through his hair, "I don't know… there are a lot of names that I love. But one stands out, mainly because of what it means," She looked up at him "The name Shiloh means 'one who has been sent'… I feel like we were given her for a reason. I want her name to reflect that…"

Toby thought for a minute, and nodded,

"You know? I'm not usually a fan of names made popular by celebrities - " He was referencing Brad and Angelina's little one, of course, "But… Shiloh has a ring to it that I think I really like," He looked back at her, "Shiloh. Shiloh… Yeah. Yeah I like it. I like it a lot."

Spencer smiled and leaned up, kissing his lips tenderly. He kissed her back with ease.

"Shiloh it is, then." She pulled away, a smile still on her lips, she looked down and lifted her shirt a bit, revealing her stomach. "What do you think about that, little miss? Shiloh sound good to you?"

Toby laughed and leaned down so he was at eye level with her belly and kissed her bare skin gently. To both the surprise of Toby and Spencer, a small kick emerged from her womb. Spencer looked at him quickly,

"Did you feel that?" She asked, grinning from ear to ear. He nodded in awe,

"That was amazing." He stroked her stomach, "You're really in there, huh Shiloh?"

"What, like you doubted it?" She asked, raising an eyebrow, "I'm the size of a house already!"

Toby rolled his eyes and sat up, taking her face in his hands.

"Spencer Jill Cavanaugh, you are absolutely beautiful. Even more so, now." He caressed her cheek, "You will always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me, the fact that you're carrying my child just makes your beauty even more radiant."

Spencer's face turned red as she leaned into his palm,

"How do you always know exactly what to say?"

He laughed,

"Because I know you. And I'm thankful for that."

She smiled and bit her lip,

"Yeah. I guess you do." She pressed her lips against his, she allowed herself to melt into him. Their mouths moved with each others rhythmically, and at that moment everything else was forgotten. He gently lay her back against the microsuede fabric of the couch, his lips moving from hers to the nape of her slender neck, leaving small marks across her skin.

"God, you're amazing.." He breathed into her ear, his teeth fiddling with her earlobe.

"Prove it," She whispered a challenge,

A challenge he would gladly accept.

x x

"Shiloh? Like the dog?" Hanna asked, her lip raising a bit. Spencer rolled her eyes,

"No. Not like the _dog_, Hanna." She sighed, "It means 'one who has been sent'" She informed the blonde, a-matter-of-factly. Hanna shrugged a bit,

"If I ever have a daughter I'm going to name her Chloe. It's just so adorable," She cooed, staring at the darling pink dresses in front of her. Hanna had decided to join Spencer in pre-baby shopping. After all, shopping WAS what Hanna did best. She squealed, picking a small pink onesie with a frilly tutu sewed into the fabric. Spencer scrunched up her face.

"Hanna. Have you ever changed a diaper? That is not practical. At all." She raised an eyebrow, Hanna looked a bit hurt and she sighed, "It is adorable, yes. It's just not really our style," She offered a smile.

Hanna seemed content with that answer and tugged Spencer over to the bedding section. Spencer stopped, momentarily fingering the fabric she had picked out just a few short years ago for Holly's first crib. Hanna caught her staring, and gently placed her hand on her friend's arm.

"You really miss her still, don't you?" She asked, resting her head against Spencer's. Spencer nodded and sighed, letting go of the fabric.

"Every minute of every day," She willed herself not to cry in public, "It's just.. harder than anything I could ever imagine."

"I know, honey. And I think you and Toby are the strongest people I know." She pulled Spencer into a bear hug, nearly tight enough to stop her breathing.

"Thank you, but you're squishing the baby," Spencer had to laugh, hugging her back. Hanna quickly pulled away, patting Spencer's stomach,

"Sorry Shiloh," She laughed, "Don't worry. You get plenty of hugs and kisses from me when you _finally_ get here," She looked up at Spencer, "How much longer, now?"

"About 16 weeks," Spencer sighed, "It does feel like forever, doesn't it?"

Hanna nodded in agreement, turning back towards the bedding.

"Oh, Spencer look!" She pointed to a purple and white bedding set, little bows lined the edges. Spencer grinned, taking a closer look.

"I think that would be perfect," She affirmed. Hanna clapped her hands, happy she had found something Spencer actually approved of - Sometimes Spencer could be hard to please. "Now I just need a crib, and we're all set," She sighed. Hanna bit her lip,

"Well, I don't think they have any nice ones here today anyway… why not just wait a bit?" She asked, quickly. Spencer was actually quite tired - or she would have suggested they take a look at another store. She sighed and waved her hand,

"Fine, fine. You win. Time to go home and get this stuff set up in the nursery." Spencer grinned and headed towards the register.

Hanna was pleased with herself, she had avoided a catastrophe without even lifting a finger. Hanna's real role today was to make sure Spencer didn't buy any of the items that had already been purchased for her - set up in the nursery while she and Hanna shopped. Back home, Toby, Emily, Aria, Caleb, Ezra, and Maya were busy setting up for the surprise baby shower. After all Spencer and Toby had been through, the girls thought it would be a nice touch.

"Ready?" Spencer asked after paying for the goods, Hanna nodded and they headed, unbeknownst to Spencer, towards the shower.

x x

Spencer pulled into the driveway and frowned.

"Hm, I thought Toby was going to be home," She didn't see his truck and shrugged, "Must have gone out for some food or something."

Hanna nodded,

"Yeah, must be it," She rolled her eyes, knowing full well they were using the truck in the back to unload the large purchased items. The girls climbed out of Spencer's SUV and headed towards the front door. Hanna had texted Emily from the car, letting her know they were on their way. Emily gave her the go ahead to stop stalling and bring Spencer home. Hanna had a hard time concealing her excitement as Spencer opened the front door and gasped.

"Oh… wow," She looked around, the living room had been completely transformed into baby-shower central. She looked at her friends standing on the other side of the room, "You guys," She covered her mouth, "You didn't have to do this." Suddenly Hanna's awkwardness throughout the shopping trip had made sense.

"But yes. We did." Aria stepped forward and pulled Spencer into a bear hug, "We love you Spence, and baby Shiloh." She pulled away, "We just wanted to show you just how much we care."

Spencer's heart melted as she walked from person to person, thanking every one of them. Toby walked in from the backyard, looking rather sweaty and Spencer grinned.

"You knew about this, didn't you?" She raised an eyebrow at him. He shrugged and nodded,

"Guilty as charged." He grinned, she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, "Spence, sweaty," He warned.

She rolled her eyes,

"What have I always told you? I can handle it," She kissed him passionately, probably more passionately than she ever had in front of her friends, but at this moment in time she didn't care. After a few Woo-hoo's from the peanut gallery, Spencer pulled away. "Thank you."

He looked a bit flustered, but smiled widely back at her.

"You're welcome. But this isn't everything." He took her hand, "I have a couple of surprises of my own."

Spencer raised an eyebrow, he led her towards the nursery, clasping his hands over her eyes when they reached the door. Everyone followed, knowing what was to come and eager to see the final product. Spencer felt foolish, but went along with it.

"Alright…" He opened the door to the nursery with a free hand, and uncovered her eyes, "Have a look around."

Spencer gasped immediately. The walls were painted a pale purple, her favorite. The same color as the bedding Hanna had suggested, _sneaky girl,_ Spencer thought. She took a step into the room, Toby had painted Shiloh's name onto large tiles, they hung on the wall connected by a baby pink ribbon. There was a beautiful cedar-wood crib standing against the wall, Toby had made it himself. Every single detail had been hand carved. The room was filled with large stuffed animals, A rocking chair Toby had made Spencer for breast feeding and rocking the baby, and plenty of decorations and toys. Spencer's touched the wood gently, speechless as she turned back towards him. "Toby… you did all of this?" Her voice was small. He nodded, walking over to her with a grin on his face. She threw her arms around his neck, speechless.

"Do you like it?" He asked, after she finally let go. She nodded, there were tears in her eyes.

"It's beautiful. Perfect…. I.. I can't believe you did all of this without me knowing," She shook her head, wiping a tear off her cheek quickly, "God, all I do lately is cry," She laughed through her tears.

Emily piped up from the background,

"It's okay, Spencer. I'd cry too," She squeezed Maya's hand as she watched the couple enjoying the moment.

All at once, everything was coming together perfectly. Spencer was happy, she felt loved, and she was more in love than she had ever been.

Now, the only thing missing was the girl who had sent them on the roller coaster from the moment she was born.


	6. Then

_**Author's Note: **__Ugh. How much Spoby heartbreak can one girl take? Let it be over, please! I had to write some uber fluff because of that - and I apologize, it's a bit cheesy even for MY taste. _

_the song used towards the end is called "Then" by Brad Paisley - yes, I am a HUGE country music fan, and if you aren't it's probably not a song that you've heard - but it is incredibly gorgeous and you should probably look it up for the second half of this chapter ;). It's worth the listen, it's definitely a Spoby anthem in my opinion._

_Please R&R, I really enjoy reading your reviews! And If you guys have any suggestions for what you'd like to see later in this story, please let me know!_

xxx

"You sure you're up for this, Spence?" Toby asked, gently rubbing Spencer's shoulders. She tilted her head back and smiled with a nod.

"It's just a weekend. I'm not due for another three weeks. Think of it as a last hurrah before Shiloh arrives," She kissed the bottom of his jaw, "Don't worry. I plan on sitting by the fireplace with a book and a cup of hot chocolate while the rest of you hit the ski slopes."

He chuckled and kissed her forehead.

"I'm not much of a skier. I'm assuming most of my time will be spent right there next to you. It was nice of Hanna and Caleb to invite us, though. I may make an effort at the very least." He shrugged and grabbed the last of their bags, slinging them over his shoulder. They were spending the weekend two hours away at Hanna's father's cabin in the mountains. Caleb and Hanna had spent their honeymoon in Aspen, Colorado - and as a surprise to everyone, Hanna actually enjoyed snowboarding. The pair had taken a good number of ski trips since then, and this time invited Toby and Spencer to come along, figuring they could use some time out of Rosewood.

They all packed into Hanna and Caleb's new SUV, Toby and Spencer taking up residence in the roomy backseat.

"Damn, Hanna. I think I could take a vacation in here," Spencer chuckled, fighting with getting the seatbelt to stretch over her pregnant belly for a few minutes before giving up and snuggling up next to Toby instead. Hanna grinned and turned around,

"Well, It won't be so empty for so long," She winked at Spencer, "Caleb and I decided it's time to try for our own child, and stop living vicariously through the two of you" She smiled. Spencer's eyes widened and she returned the smile,

"Oh, Han! That's great!" She reached in front and squeezed Hanna's arm, "Any progress?"

Hanna shook her head,

"Not yet. But… I guess I should warn you that it's definitely part of the motivation for a weekend away," She looked at Caleb with a smile. He turned a unique shade of red and cleared his throat.

"_ALRIGHT,_ everyone ready?" He asked, starting up the engine. Spencer and Toby exchanged knowing gazes with identical smirks.

"Ready," Toby replied, chuckling to himself. He wrapped his arm around Spencer's shoulders, holding her against his chest as they pulled away from Rosewood. Spencer fell asleep quickly, as she had been having trouble sleeping at night lately in her late stage of pregnancy. Toby spent most of the ride staring out the window, picturing the tiny baby girl inside of Spencer, thinking how happy he would be to hold her for the first time. The thought also brought back painful memories, but he was learning through Dr. Sardo to smile when memories of Holly came flooding back. They were some of the happiest and proud moments in his life - nothing should ever be allowed to change that.

They arrived at the Cabin just as the sun was setting behind the trees. The snow blanketed the area perfectly, the scene was incredibly picturesque, as soon as Spencer stepped out of the car she was incredibly happy that they had decided to come. The smell of the pines was refreshing, she felt alive and ready to experience what was to come - whatever that may be. The two couples piled in the front door, stomping snow off of their boots.

"Your room is down the hall," Hanna nodded, pointing Toby in the direction so that he could set their bags down, "Kitchen, living room, upstairs," she pointed around, and shrugged, "It's pretty self explanatory. Just don't touch the China, or Isobel will have a heart attack, other than that, enjoy" She gave Spencer a quick hug before heading up the stairs after Caleb, she had some plans of her own for the evening. She knew that Spencer and Toby were more than capable of entertaining themselves for a few hours.

Toby returned from their bedroom, dusting his hands on his jeans. He smiled at the sight before him. Spencer stood, her hands resting softly on her distended belly as she stared out at the snow, a small smile on her face. She looked at peace - for the first time in a very long time. He walked up behind her and snaked his arms around her waist, covering her hands with his own.

"Whatcha thinking about?" He asked, nuzzling into her hair. She sighed happily and allowed her muscles to relax in his arms, closing her eyes as she spoke.

"Mmm… Just thinking how far we've come. And how happy I am to be here with you this very moment."

He smiled and kissed the side of her neck tenderly.

"We have come a long ways," He agreed, nodding "I _guess _it's kind of nice to be here with you, too," he teased. She rolled her eyes and swatted him playfully. "Kidding, babe, kidding," He added with a chuckle. He untangled himself from her and walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge and finding a bottle of sparkling cider. He grinned to himself, grabbing two glasses and pouring a bit in each. He handed her a glass, holding his own up, tilting it towards her, "To you and I," He said, taking a small sip. Spencer grinned and followed his lead.

"Mm, and to Shiloh," She smiled, taking another sip. He nodded and did the same.

"To string cheese and icing," He said, raising his eyebrow with a smirk. Spencer rolled her eyes, but drank to it, mumbling about how she couldn't control her cravings.

"To Hanna's dad, for having an amazing selection of non alcoholic beverages stocked in the fridge," She was enjoying the sparkling cider quite a bit, and the little game Toby had unknowingly started.

"Yes. And to the prospect of baby Rivers - " they drank, both giggling, "And to whatever is currently happening above our heads," He looked up, trying his hardest to ignore the very audible risqué noises coming from the bedroom.

"Ew. I was _really_ hoping you weren't going to mention that," Spencer laughed, shaking her head and holding her glass up again, "To whatever product makes your hair do that little wavy thing." She smiled at him, reaching over and gently running her fingers through his hair, her eyes shining with admiration. If she didn't know him better, she'd say a slight blush had crept into his cheeks. He quickly regained his composure and shook his head,

"Well, if we're going to start with that, I only have one toast… To Peter and Veronica Hastings, for producing the most perfect human being I have ever laid eyes on," He said, eyebrows raised as he sipped. It was Spencer's turn to blush. She sighed and shook her head, their eyes meeting each others for a few moments, searching the depths of one another. Spencer was the one to break the gaze, she looked down at her glass, drinking what was left before setting it down.

"Hey, that was cheating.. you didn't make a toast!"

"Yes I did," She said, nodding affirmatively

"You have to say it out loud, or it doesn't count," he teased, swishing the rest of the liquid in his glass, ready to drink.

"Fine. To never giving up hope," She looked over at him, "And to bringing our baby girl home. Once and for all."

The light feeling in his heart quickly began to sink, but he noticed the look of peace hadn't left her face. He nodded, drinking the rest of the cider and setting his glass down.

"To Holly," He said, an awkward silence descending upon the pair momentarily. Spencer smiled at him halfheartedly before walking towards the speaker system next to the fireplace. She turned on the radio, flipping through the stations. Toby's eyes lit up immediately,

"Wait! That song. I want you to hear that song, go back," He rushed over to her. She scrunched up her face,

"Toby, you know I don't like country music very much," but she stepped back and allowed him to adjust the dial.

"It doesn't matter. It's in the lyrics, It's everything I need you to know" He shook his head, as the song began to play through the speakers.

_I remember trying not the stare the night that I first met you, you had me mesmerized, _

_& three weeks later in the front porch light, taking 45 minutes to kiss goodnight,_

_I hadn't told you yet, but I thought I loved you then…_

He smiled at her, gently placing his hands on her slender waist. She raised an eyebrow as he started to sway gently with the music, but she couldn't stop the smile from creeping upon her lips.

_Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world_

_I just can't believe the way I feel about you girl,_

_Like a river meets a sea, stronger than it's ever been_

_we've come so far since that day, and I thought I loved you then..._

Toby pulled her close, he rested his chin on her forehead as they danced, his heart swelling in his chest as he felt her grab hold of his shirt.

_I can just see you with a baby on the way,_

_I can just see you when your hair is turning grey_

_what I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more,_

_...but I've said that before_

_Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world,_

_I just can't believe the way I feel about you girl,_

_You'll look back some day at this moment that we're in,_

_and I'll look at you and say "and I thought I loved you then…'_"

Spencer clung to him tightly, moving to the music rhythmically. The song was incredibly beautiful, he had dedicated many to her in the past, all of which had been cause for butterflies in her stomach - but never tears. Right now? She couldn't control her emotions, she buried her face in his shoulder as they moved, tears freely streaming down her face. Toby pulled back as the music faded, bringing his thumbs to her cheeks and wiping the wetness away, he had to smile.

"Every time I hear that song, Spencer, you fill my mind," He shook his head, "Every day, somehow, my love for you grows even stronger - I'll never understand it, and I don't need to. All I need is for you to know that no matter what, I'm here… for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health - I took those vows, and I'll never break them," He tilted her chin towards his own, meeting her lips for a gentle kiss, "Ever," he whispered. She nodded, unable to speak as she took his hand, tugging him to the couch. He obliged without protest, his arms finding their way around her body as he gently rocked her to sleep.

Things were good, and they could only get better.

With this in mind, Toby and Spencer slept soundly.


	7. Golden Girls

_**A/N Thank you all so much for the reviews, I appreciate them more than you know. Here's a quick Sparia chapter before we meet little miss Shiloh! I hope you all enjoy it - I think their friendship is adorable. It's probably not my best writing - it was rather quick-written!**_

xx

Aria walked into the Cavanaugh residence with a large bag full of chinese food, kicking the door behind her to keep the snow from following her inside the house. The weather had been absolutely horrible for over a week at this point, leading to icy roads and slippery sidewalks. The girls and Toby were doing their best to keep Spencer safe and sound at home through the last couple of days of her pregnancy.

"Spencer, food!" She called, setting the bag down on the counter before separating the orders, "They didn't have any general tsaos, so I got you orange chicken… hope that's okay, there wasn't much of a choice. Everyone is ordering takeout in this weather."

Spencer nodded, pulling herself up off the couch and heading to the kitchen.

"I'm not all that hungry anyway, I think I just want some rice," She sighed, taking a plate for herself and handing one to Aria, who frowned at her words.

"You were starving when I left to get food, what changed?"

"Mm.. Shiloh changed her mind," Spencer shook her head, "These last few days have been the worst, starving, nauseas, dizzy - it never ends," She sat down at the counter, pouring a bit of rice into her plate. Aria nodded, shooting Spencer a sympathetic gaze as she began to eat her own meal. She chewed slowly, watching Spencer poke at the rice, her face scrunched as if she were a child being forced to eat her vegetables.

"Spence, you don't have to eat it," She laughed, picking a piece of Spencer's chicken out for herself.

"You paid for it. I should at least try to eat it," Spencer poked a bit more around the plate, "Yeah, okay… I can't. I'm sorry," She apologized, "Thank you, though. I know Toby asked you to babysit me while he's at work."

"That's not the only reason I'm here," She protested quickly, "You're my best friend, and I feel like we haven't spent more than half an hour together in weeks. I want to be here," She took another bite of her food, "Plus," She looked down at her plate, "I kind of needed someone to talk to…"

At that Spencer looked up immediately, worried.

"Are you okay?" She asked, brows furrowing. Aria shrugged lightly, still looking at her plate, "Aria. What's wrong? Talk to me." Spencer pushed the rice away from her, staring intently at her friend.

"I…" She started, closing her mouth and thinking before speaking again, "I can't have children, Spencer."

Spencer's jaw hung slightly, eyes widening. She had wondered, it had been months since Aria had mentioned anything about the subject. Aria took a deep breath, and continued.

"I found out a few weeks ago. Something about scar tissue - when I had my appendix taken out as a child, they messed something up," She twirled her fork, stabbing at piece of chicken, "I haven't told anyone. Not even Ezra."

"Wh.. Oh, Aria…" Spencer swallowed, "I'm so sorry," She reached over and squeezed Aria's free hand, "You haven't told him?" She shook her head, eyes still wide, "You need to… sooner, rather than later," She stood up, walking around to the other side of the counter and wrapping her arms around her friend silently. Aria allowed Spencer to hold her for a few moments without speaking, almost wishing she could push her away when she felt a slight movement inside Spencer's belly. She wanted nothing more than to have a family, and she felt cheated out of one of the things she held most dear in life.

"I just want a baby," She said, finally, resting her head on her friend's shoulder, "It's not fair."

Spencer shook her head, hoisting herself onto the stool next to her friend.

"It's not fair. At all," She sighed, biting her bottom lip, "What about adoption? There is no reason why you and Ezra wouldn't be approved… you have a beautiful home, stable careers… plenty of love for a child," She offered.

"I know… and I guess that's possible," She inhaled deeply, "What if Ezra doesn't want me anymore? He wants a son so badly. I can't give him that," She shook her head, eyes brimming with tears, "Adoption is lovely… but it could never be the same… could it?"

"He would never, ever, leave you," Spencer was sure of this, "After all you two have been through just to be together? No, Aria. Don't even think that way," She shook her head vigorously, "Life isn't fair. In fact, life downright sucks sometimes, believe me, I know… but you need to take what you're given, and make the best of it, honey," She rested her hand on Aria's shoulder, "It could be the same, definitely. Giving birth to a baby doesn't make you a parent. It's what happens afterwards."

Aria nodded in response as Spencer reached up and wiped a few stray tears off of her friend's cheek. Aria wanted to believe that Spencer was right, she wanted to believe that she and Ezra could still have everything that they desired.

"It just sucks," Aria said, feeling a bit childish, she wiped her eyes, regaining her composure. Spencer nodded in agreement, gently rubbing her back.

"It does," She nodded, "But I think you can turn this into a beautiful opportunity. I really do."

Aria smiled at her halfheartedly,

"Thank you… I just really needed to get that off my chest," She reached over and hugged Spencer tightly, Spencer smiled gently and hugged her back.

"I love you, you know that. I'm here if you need anything - anything at all."

Aria nodded, pulling away and silently finishing her meal as Spencer watched, still a bit shocked by Aria's news.

"Hey, I know how to cheer you up," Spencer said, a smile spreading across her face, "Golden Girls."

At that, Aria let out a hearty laugh, nodding. The girls had spent many sleepovers comparing themselves to the four hysterical older women of _Golden Girls_. It was decided that Spencer was inevitably Dorothy - smart, studious, and practical, Emily best fit the role of Rose - definitely not as dim witted, but certainly as sweet and caring, Hanna embodied the character of Blanche, especially her obsession with boys and fashion, and finally, Aria was a fitting Sophia - not because she was brazen or crass, but because she was certainly the old soul of the group and had traveled the world more than most. The show was something they looked to whenever they felt sad, or down - knowing it would put a smile on their faces.

Spencer slid the DVD in the player and joined Aria on the couch.

"God, we haven't done this together in ages - since high school," Aria chuckled. Spencer was right, it was exactly what she needed. As the episode played she found herself forgetting the negatives, and remembering all that she _did _have. She looked over at Spencer and sighed, "Thanks, Spence. You're the best friend a girl could ask for," She offered a smile.

"Yeah, you're not so bad yourself," Spencer rolled her eyes, poking Aria in the side, "You're welcome. I needed it too," She offered, resting her head on Aria's shoulder. Aria laughed and nodded,

"So, are you excited? Any day now?" She asked, gently poking Spencer in the stomach rather than her side, "I cannot believe how big she is."

"Thanks a lot!" Spencer guffawed and hit her with a pillow, "But yes, I am, I'm excited, and a little nervous. We've done this all before - but somehow it's completely different this time around," She sighed, "I think Toby is too, even though he won't admit it."

"I didn't mean it like that!" Aria shielded herself from the pillow and squealed, "It's okay, I think anyone would be nervous. Especially after all you've been through."

Spencer nodded and shrugged,

"I just don't want to mess this up. I can't mess this up. Toby and I can't handle anymore," She sat backwards into the couch. Aria grinned and squeezed her hand,

"Don't worry. Everything will be just fine. You're not going to mess anything up. You're Spencer Hastings," Aria laughed, "She's going to be perfect, just like her mommy."

Spencer rolled her eyes with a smile, hoping that Aria was right.


	8. Shiloh

_A/N: Sorry it's taking so long between updates, I've been super busy lately. Thank you all so much for the reviews, open to any suggestions for future chapters - what do you want to see happen with Toby, Spencer, and Shiloh? What about Holly - should they find her? _

_enjoy!_

xxx

When Spencer said that it was time, Toby knew better than to question. He quickly gathered the bags they had packed and tossed them into the cab of his truck. They arrived at the hospital in no time, Spencer clung to his hand as the contractions wracked her body. It took everything that she had inside of her not to cry out in pain, she had decided against an epidural - having done much more research than last time throughout her pregnancy, she was afraid to implement anything that may compromise the health of their daughter. She was very tempted, though, when the doctor asked for the last time - Toby soothed her, letting her know that she didn't have to do it this way. She shook her head, and refused her last chance at relief. Toby sighed, he climbed into the hospital bed with her, holding her sweaty body against his own.

When it was time to push, he held her hand, whispering encouragement in her ear as she progressed. She cried out, doubting her ability to push the baby from her womb, and Toby sternly shook his head. He reminded her of her strength, forcing her hand downwards to feel the emergence of the top of their daughter's head. Something in Spencer gave way, and with the next contraction, she pushed as if her life depended on it. Suddenly, the pain stopped, she heard a small cry emerge from the nurses arms as they quickly wiped the little girl clean, Toby's eyes were full of tears as he cut the umbilical chord and Shiloh was placed into Spencer's arms for the first time. She held the newborn against her chest, all words were lost as she looked from the baby girl to her loving husband. She tried to speak, but it came out as a sob. Toby's nod said it all,

"I know, baby… she's perfect."

xx

"Look at those cheeks," Spencer smiled down at the bundle sleeping in Toby's strong arms, "She looks just like you did as a baby!" She daintily reached over, stroking the cheek of her new pride and joy. Toby shook his head with a laugh, the stressors of the outside world melted away in the here and now. Shiloh Elizabeth Cavanaugh was just eighteen hours old, and she already held his heart in her tiny little fists.

"She does look a bit like me, doesn't she?" He joked, he personally thought she looked quite a bit like Spencer, she had a great deal of dark hair on the top of her head, and her eyes were much darker than Holly's had been when she was born, a sign that they would soon match Spencer's chocolate brown. Shiloh awoke with a wail, stubbornly looking up at Toby and seemingly pursing her lips. He had to laugh again - she was truly perfect. He kissed the infant's tiny forehead and handed her to Spencer carefully, "Mama, I think she's hungry."

Spencer took the baby girl from her father, they were expecting Emily any minute now, so she held Shiloh to her breast under a blanket for privacy. Once situated, she sat back and sighed happily, her eyes falling on Toby's loving gaze. "What are you looking at?" She asked, making sure she was completely covered. He laughed and shook his head,

"I'm looking at the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on," he answered simply, resting his hand on her thigh, "You are so strong," He continued, "What I watched you do last night… it was terrifying, beautiful, and eye opening," He shook his head, "I love and admire you more than I think you realize."

Spencer's cheeks turned a crimson red as he spoke, she couldn't help it. She shifted Shiloh under the blanket so that she could squeeze his hand, words were unnecessary again. He squeezed back, his eyes never leaving her face. He loved being able to make her blush even after all this time, he took pride in being on of the only people he'd ever seen with the power to do so.

"Knock knock!" Emily's voice came from the other side of the hospital room's door. Spencer broke her gaze away from Toby reluctantly, to see Emily's head peek through the door. She smiled bright and walked through the door with balloons and a teddy bear in tote. By this time, Shiloh had eaten all she pleased and was watching wide eyed from Spencer's arms as the new face entered the room. Emily gasped,

"Oh, she's beautiful!" Emily cooed, sitting down next to the bed, squeezing Spencer's arm. Spencer smiled back at her, shifting Shiloh in her arms so that she had a better view of Emily.

"Thanks Em," She had a hard time tearing her eyes away from her daughter, but managed to flash Emily a smile.

"We're waiting on our discharge, and then we're all ready to go," Toby added, Emily had come to pick the crew up from the hospital so that Toby and Spencer wouldn't have to fight with getting the newborn carseat into the truck - it had been a nightmare with Holly.

"Yeah, thanks so much… I keep telling we need to suck it up and buy a family friendly car," Spencer rolled her eyes, Emily laughed and nodded as Toby grumbled back something about hating four-door sedans.

"Can I hold her?" She asked, eagerly outstretching her arms. Spencer nodded, sitting up and passing the infant off to her friend.

"Support her head!" Spencer almost yelped as Emily situated Shiloh in her arms, Emily looked up at Spencer and raised an eyebrow, "I'm sorry! I'm just paranoid," she sighed, trying her best to relax.

"I've got this," Emily chuckled, soothing Spencer, "I promise she's not the first newborn I've held," She shook her head, cradling Shiloh to her chest, "However, she's one of the most beautiful," She cooed, "Yes you are," She grinned downwards, gently tickling under Shiloh's chin as she fussed, "She has your eyes, Spence,"

Spencer nodded, still wary,

"Mmhm, and Toby's cheekbones," She added as the doctor walked in with the papers to release the pair from the hospital. He quickly examined Shiloh one last time, taking her vital signs before checking Spencer's and allowing her to sign the papers.

The ride home was quiet, Spencer and Toby both sat in the backseat, unable to take their eyes off the little girl. Emily watched in the rearview mirror, almost having to roll her eyes at the perfect little family behind her - she knew they had been through so much to get to this point, and she was incredibly happy for them. She pulled up at the Cavanaugh residence, Spencer and Toby said their goodbyes and thank yous before removing baby Shiloh carefully from the car. Toby carried the carseat as they walked to the front door, Spencer turned the key and smiled. Shiloh was home.


	9. Finding Nemo, Finding Ourselves

A/N Thank you all so much for your reviews. I really appreciate the feedback, and it definitely motivates me to update - sorry it's taken so long, once again I've been busy with all kinds of stuff. I'm going to try and update at least once a week, maybe more… I hope you guys like this chapter, right now I'm trying to decide what direction I'm going to go in with Holly… one way or another they will find her, I just can't guarantee in what condition, which breaks my heart to say… but we'll see. ENJOY!

xx

Spencer plopped down on the couch with a sigh, Toby lay spread out beneath her floating in and out of consciousness. The sun was starting to rise, the sheer white curtains glowed in the early morning light. Summer was upon them again, and she loved it.

"Wha.. Is it morning?" He shot up almost immediately as he felt Spencer's weight on top of his legs. Spencer had to laugh, she shook her head and placed a gentle hand on his thigh.

"It's 5:45," She yawned, Shiloh was on a fairly regular every-4-hour feeding schedule, but the diaper changes during the night were a bit more frequent. They took turns, Toby was generally on diaper duty while Spencer had to be awake for feedings. To Spencer, it had been easier knowing what to expect this time around. She was exhausted, as she'd expected, but that didn't bother her much, she knew they had made it over the first hump. Shiloh was now a month and a half old, healthy as a horse with adorable rosy cheeks.

"Mmpgh," Toby groaned and shut his eyes again, reaching upwards and pulling Spencer down into his chest. He inhaled the scent of her shampoo, smiling to himself. Coconut. It was Saturday morning, and he was thankful that he didn't have to be at work in an hour as he normally would on a weekday. He'd been a trooper, in Spencer's words, about staying up with Shiloh and managing to make it to work in the mornings, but today was his lazy day, and he wasn't going to let anything get in the way of time with his girls and a long nap.

"I figured we could take Shiloh out for our first family breakfast at Apple Rose," She said, blowing a few strands of hair away from her face, "Sure, she can't exactly enjoy the delicious eggs and pancakes yet… but I think Mommy and Daddy deserve a hearty meal."

"Sounds perfect to me," He kissed the top of her head, "But can we please get another hour of shut eye? I just want to lay with you," He sounded almost a bit like a child asking for a piece of candy, and Spencer couldn't deny him. She smiled and nodded into his chest, dozing off peacefully with him until she heard a cry from the nursery. Toby shifted underneath her, "I smell a diaper change, go shower, I'll get the princess dressed for breakfast."

Spencer smiled and obliged, kissing him on the lips gently before heading up the stairs into the master bathroom to begin her morning routine. She felt like the luckiest woman in the world to have such an amazing husband, she knew he loved Shiloh more than anything in the world, and everything felt right. She headed back down the stairs to find Toby bouncing Shiloh gently in his arms as he sang softly. Leaning against the wall, she watched the man of her dreams bonding with the perfect baby in his arms, and she couldn't be happier.

xx

The restaurant was empty aside from an older couple seated in the back, Spencer and Toby sat on the patio enjoying the summer morning, Shiloh watched with wide eyes from her carrier as the plates of food arrived at their table. The waitress chuckled,

"What an adorable baby you have there," She waved, inciting a coo and a smile from the infant. Spencer laughed, taking Shiloh's tiny hand in her own.

"We like to think so," Toby grinned and thanked the waitress for their food, everything smelled delicious, since Shiloh had arrived they'd both been too exhausted to cook, and had taken to using the microwave more often than either of them really liked much, "Spence, your food is getting cold," Toby laughed as his wife continued to play with their daughter.

"I know, she's just so hard to ignore," She shook her head with a smile and picked up her fork, chewing a bit, "Hey Toby? Do you ever feel guilty?"

Toby looked up at her immediately,

"Guilty for what?" He asked cautiously, pushing a piece of his waffles onto his fork.

"For being happy without her…" She asked, taking a sip of her coffee - something she had missed greatly over the course of her pregnancy. Toby shook his head immediately,

"No, Spencer, I don't," He chewed and set his fork down, taking her hand across the table, "And you shouldn't either. Being miserable isn't going to bring her back, and we've discussed this, Shiloh isn't a replacement, she's just an addition to this family that we have every right to be happy about."

Spencer nodded slowly,

"I know that. And I am happy, I'm so happy," She sighed, "I guess I just feel like things have changed so much since we've had Shiloh, what if it's changed too much?"

Toby sighed heavily, giving her fingers a little squeeze.

"Holly loved to see you happy… that's all she wanted. Do you remember when we watched Finding Nemo with her, and you cried when Nemo's mom died?" He had to smile at the memory, "She wiped the tears off your face, she told you that you weren't allowed to be sad because then she would be sad, too." He picked her hand up off the table and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles, "She would want you to be happy, she would want both of us to be happy."

Spencer sniffed, she did remember that day, vividly. It had only been a few weeks before Holly disappeared, she could still feel the little girl's fingers on her cheeks, sticky from a popsicle she had just eaten. She knew Toby was right, Holly would want them to be happy more than anything - that was all she ever seemed to care about, everyone else's happiness. Spencer nodded slowly, wiping her eyes before the tears could fall.

"You're right," She sighed, looking over at Shiloh she couldn't help but smile, "If you're anything like your sister, baby girl, you're going to be one hell of a young lady."

Toby smiled at that, for once he had been able to say something about Holly that had helped Spencer. Sure, there had been tears, but this time was different. It was at that moment he knew they truly were beginning to heal the gaping wound in their hearts.


	10. The Show Goes On

A/N alright folks, here we go… finally some action.

thank you all so much for the reviews, once again much appreciated. Second, big time jump here - three years into the future. Babies in diapers and happy family stuff is my favorite… but I'll leave that to the fabulous Bree for now, because she does it best. So… enjoy, I hope!

xx

A little over three years had passed since the birth of Spencer & Toby's second daughter, Shiloh, and from the outside looking in their family, and their life, was absolutely perfect. Spencer had received her Master's Degree in Journalism from Hollis College one year prior, she was currently the lead investigative journalist for the Rosewood Observer. She enjoyed her job more than she ever thought possible, and the flexibility of her hours gave her plenty of time to spend with Toby and Shiloh. Toby had started his own contracting business a few months after Shiloh was born, it had been long hours and a slow start - but Mr. Hastings had put Toby in touch with wealthy clients, and now his once small business was a booming success. He and Spencer had moved from their small ranch style house on the edge of town into a considerably larger two-story home with five bedrooms and a lovely backyard pool. It was everything both of them had ever dreamed of, Toby had designed most of it himself, making sure that his girls had as much input as possible. The pool was mostly for Shiloh's benefit, she had taken to the water like a fish the second Spencer had started her in swimming lessons, and at three she was already proud to be in the advanced swimming group at the local club.

Shiloh, unlike her sister, had Spencer's large brown eyes and dark sleek brown hair. She was a spitting image of her mother, so much that it scared Toby at times. He knew the second she was old enough to date he'd be sitting on the porch with a shot gun, just like something out of the movies. He often joked with her about it, Shiloh would scrunch up her face and plug her nose, reminding him that boys smelled terrible, and she wanted to 'grow up' with a girl like her Aunt Emily. Toby and Spencer weren't sure if this was an early sign of their daughter's sexuality, or just three year old babble. Neither minded, however. Emily was a staple in Shiloh's life, and the way Spencer saw it was that if Shiloh grew up to be half the person that Emily was, she would be happy. Emily had Shiloh were an inseparable pair, Emily had been honorably discharged from the Military when Shiloh was a few months old due to a leg injury, and she and Maya had been fighting the state for approval to adopt for almost two years. In the mean time, Emily and Maya 'practiced' their parenting skills with the little girl, and enjoyed her company very much. Spencer felt blessed to have such amazing friends in her life, and people she could trust to watch her daughter during the days that she had to work. She couldn't stand the thought of Shiloh in a generic daycare setting.

In fact, that evening when Spencer arrived home from work, she found a note on the counter from Emily, stating that she had taken Shiloh to the movies, and she would have her home as soon as possible. She smiled to herself and sighed, walking to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water before sinking into the couch with one of her favorite novels. Toby would be home late, which was usual on a Friday night, he liked to tie up loose ends at work so that the weekend could be completely devoted to family time without any interruptions. It was growing dark outside when Spencer heard a noise coming from just outside the side door. She looked up from her novel, upon hearing the noise again she walked over to investigate - she inhaled sharply as she saw the doorknob jiggling - someone was trying to break in.

She grabbed the closest thing to her for protection, an umbrella, and waited as the door knob gave way and the intruder entered her home. A black hoodie covered the face of what was obviously the figure of a man, she peeked around the corner, her heart thumping wildly in her chest. The man pushed the hood off his face, and Spencer couldn't contain a gasp - it was Garret. Jenna and Garret had been married and moved to Florida soon after Holly had gone missing, Toby had severed all ties with his step-sister, and the last person Spencer ever expected to see breaking into her home was Garret Reynolds. Garret heard the gasp from Spencer, but rather than being startled by her presence, he smiled wickedly.

"Spencer, just the person I was looking for," He said, walking towards her. Spencer held the umbrella up for protection, but he laughed, grabbing it from her with one swift movement, "No need for that," He chuckled, "If you do what I say, everything will be fine…"

Spencer watched him wide eyed,

"Toby!" She called out, praying if he thought that Toby was home he might leave, but there was no such luck. Garret laughed and shook his head.

"Spencer. Do you really think I'm stupid? I've been watching you for weeks. I know he's not home. I know your routine, and I know you and Shiloh will be alone for another few hours, just enough time for me to take what I want," He tossed the umbrella aside and backed her into a corner, her breath was caught in her throat, she couldn't even scream, "Now. Where's the girl?"

"Sh..Shiloh isn't here. She's with Emily," Spencer managed, at that Garret growled, smacking her cheek. Spencer yelped as the back of her head hit the wall. She looked over at him, suddenly realizing the seriousness of what was happening, "W..What do you want with my daughter?" She tried her best to maintain her composure, she knew if she had any chance of making it out of this alive she had to keep her wits about her. Garret looked angry, he hadn't taken into account the fact that Shiloh may not be at home, too. She had been every other Friday, he knew that - why had he picked the one day that the Fields girl decided to babysit?

"Shut up!" Garret growled, "If you want to keep your life, you'll take me to the girl."

At that, Spencer almost had to laugh,

"Kill me, then," She said, immediately, angering him even more. He watched her for a few moments, as if contemplating his next move. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pistol.

"You weren't supposed to get hurt," He said, his eyes wild as he aimed it at her, before Spencer could react the gun went off, she felt a searing pain in her shoulder before collapsing to the ground. Her effort to remain conscious failed as she faded fast, everything lost color, and eventually all she saw was black


	11. Jealousy

Two updates in one day, apparently I'm on a role - haha. But, in all seriousness, I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations - it doesn't really live up to mine, I kind of have issues when trying to write intense action scenes. I really hope you enjoy. I promise more happy fluff to come in the future.

xx

"You are absolutely worthless, Garret! I didn't ask you to bring HER, I asked you to bring me the girl!" Jenna shouted, her arms crossed over her chest as she paced back and forth in front of the basement door. He had ruined everything, how could he be so stupid? Why had she sent him to do this, anyway? Oh, right, she was still playing the blind card - she couldn't let him in on her ability to see, or he would stop lapping up every word she said. She turned and hit the wall, her anger boiling inside. Toby would be looking for Spencer, now, and Spencer knew who had attacked her. Jenna had high hopes when she saw the wound in Spencer's shoulder as Garret carried her to the basement, but the idiot had bandaged it - She couldn't understand why, didn't he realize that Spencer now needed to die?

Spencer lay on the cold basement floor, her eyes opened slowly as she groggily came to. It was incredibly dark, she could barely see two feet in front of her. She could hear mice scratching at the walls. Where was she? She sat up, immediately regretting this decision as her shoulder exploded with pain, and all the events of the previous few hours came rushing back to her. Garret had taken her. Where had he taken her? She looked around, Shiloh wasn't with her - she took that as a good sign. She heard a creak from behind her, immediately turning in the direction of the noise, she squinted her eyes to try and see.

"Hello?" She asked, her voice cracking. No answer. She saw a small figure moving towards her, for a moment her heart dropped. Had they taken Shiloh? Had Garret found her while she was unconscious? As the figure moved towards her, she realized it couldn't be her Shiloh. Shiloh was at least a foot shorter, and a bit pudgier. Spencer gasped as the little girl came into view - her hand flew to her mouth, and her entire body shook. She was paralyzed.

"Mommy?" The girl asked, her voice was small and weak, "Mommy it's me. It's me…"

Spencer hadn't even noticed the tears streaming down her face as Holly approached her, placing a hand softly on Spencer's cheek. The touch brought Spencer back from the daze she had been in. She couldn't speak, she grabbed into Holly, pulling her into her chest, holding her tightly against her body. The pain in her shoulder, the current situation, it was all forgotten. Her sobs mixed with Holly's own as Spencer rocked her now 6-year-old daughter in her arms, neither had words to express what they were feeling.

"Oh… baby. Oh god, what did they do to you?" Spencer asked finally, still clinging tightly to Holly, she was afraid if she let go the little girl may disappear into thin air. After years of relentless heartache, she was holding her baby girl - the only thing she ever wished for, prayed for, and hoped for.

"Uncle Garret made me go, Mommy, I didn't want to go!" Holly cried, fear in her eyes as she looked back up at Spencer, "He said Daddy was waiting for me and that you were coming later! He said Daddy was hurt but he lied! He lied and I never saw Daddy!" Holly gasped for air between her explanation, Spencer briskly wiped Holly's pale face, shaking her head and trying to keep her own emotions in check, "Please don't be mad Mommy, I missed you! I wanted to go home but they.. they said I had to stay… they made me call her Momma and… and…" Holly's explanation dragged on as Spencer finally grasped the situation before her, it had been Jenna all along. Jenna had taken Holly from her, from Toby…

"Baby. Listen to me," She said, regaining her composure and swallowing her sobs, she was still in shock, "I could never be mad at you. Finding you is all I've thought about since that day. We're going to get out of here, and I'm going to take you home, that's a promise, you hear me? A promise."

Spencer's senses were in overdrive, she looked around the dark room for anything she could use in self defense. She slowly and reluctantly let go of Holly and stood, taking her hand and feeling around the basement walls. She found a shelf that appeared to be filled with cans of paint. Spencer took a deep breath and looked down at Holly, she was going to do whatever it took to get her out of this, to get both of them out of this. She grabbed one of the full heavy cans off the shelf.

"Go stand by the door, okay?" She told Holly, who immediately obeyed, watching her mother wide eyed as she grabbed another can in her other hand. Spencer winced at the pain in her shoulder, but quickly pushed past it. She looked up at the shelves, biting her lip. It was a risky move, but she knew it was her only option. She threw her body against the shelves as hard as she could, knocking them to the ground with a loud crash, splattering paint and cans everywhere. She heard footsteps hurriedly coming to the basement door, and then a creak of the hinges. She ran over to Holly, shoving her behind her own body for protection and waited.

"What the fuck are you doing down here?" Garret asked as he opened the door, as soon as he descended far enough down the steps Spencer swung the can of paint, hitting him hard before he had a chance to pull his gun. He toppled down the stairs, landing with a thud at the bottom. Spencer grabbed Holly's hand and ran over to him, taking the gun that was tucked into his jeans. She looked over at Holly,

"Listen to me. Whatever happens when we go upstairs, I want you to get out of this house and find someone, ANYONE. Tell them to call 911. I'll deal with Jenna until the police arrive. If I have to shoot her, I will - and I don't want you to see that. Do you understand me?" Spencer asked, bending to Holly's level for a moment, "And no matter what, know that I love you. I never stopped loving you, I never gave up hope that one day you'd come home… Okay?"

Holly's lip quivered,

"Mommy, don't die," She said simply, looking up at Spencer with her large blue eyes. Spencer shook her head,

"I'll be fine. Okay?" She wanted to believe what she was saying, but she had no idea what Jenna had in store for her upstairs. She heard footsteps approaching the basement door, and the tapping of Jenna's stick. "Now or never," Spencer kissed Holly's forehead gently, and they ascended the stairs.

"Garret?" Jenna called out, just as the pair reached the top.

"No. Not Garret. Spencer." She said, her voice full of hate, Jenna gasped as Spencer pulled the gun from behind her back, pointing it straight at her, "Holly go. Now," Spencer nudged the frozen little girl, who took off at full speed. Jenna watched from behind her glasses, she knew the game was over - she knew Garret had screwed them once and for all.

"How could you do this to me?" Spencer asked, she wanted answers, "How could you do this to Toby?"

"Holly was supposed to be MINE. Toby as supposed to be MINE," She growled, throwing her glasses to the side and stomping on them, "You came along with your… your little miss perfect act, he fell for you. He was supposed to fall for me. We were supposed to have that family. NOT you, Spencer."

Spencer's hands shook around the trigger of the gun.

"You couldn't stand the thought of us being happy, so you stole our daughter?" Spencer asked, incredulously, "And you sent Garret for Shiloh today," She put the pieces together, "You should have found a better henchman," She remarked, a bit pleased with herself for her use of snark in the current situation.

"I deserved those girls. Because of you and your friends I spent three years unable to see a damn thing," Jenna hissed, the wail of sirens could now be heard outside, "You messed with my life, I messed with yours."

"It's over now, Jenna. They're going to arrest you, and you'll never see the light of day again if I have anything to say about it," Spencer hissed back, she had never felt this much hate towards anyone in her entire life. A calm smile came over Jenna's face and she nodded.

"You're right. It's over, Spencer. But I'm not going to jail," She said, "You're not going to shoot me. You don't have it in you. You never did," She looked up at the girl with the gun, pulling a knife out of her pocket. Spencer's eyes widened as she lifted the knife,

"Jenna! No!" Spencer shouted, but it was too late, she took the knife and plunged it straight into her chest, falling to the floor. Spencer gasped, frozen in place as Garret came bounding up the stairs. He saw the body of his wife laying on the floor and let out a shrill noise before collapsing at her side. The police entered the home moments later, and the rest was a blur.

She was led out of the home and to an ambulance, she was transferred onto a stretcher. At once, she realized the pain in her shoulder again.

"You're going to be okay, miss," Was the last thing she heard before once again losing consciousness.


	12. Authors Note, Important

**Authors Note**

Hey loves. I really appreciate all your feedback, and I definitely plan on writing a real update soon, hopefully in the next couple of days, if not tonight, I've just been really busy.

But, I'm posting this for another reason. Basically, I live in Tucson, Arizona - and there is a REAL missing child from my city. The community outpouring of support has been phenomenal, but we still have no idea where this little 6 year old girl is.

So, basically what I'm asking from you is to put the word out on your social media sites & share the information with your friends, we all want her home safe.

Her name is Isabel Celis, she was discovered missing from her bedroom on Saturday morning, last time she was seen was bedtime on Friday night. She is 6 years old, about 44 pounds. If you google her name, you can find a picture.

I don't know if this is even worth posting, honestly, because I don't know how many of you will even read it or bother to share this information - but after writing this story and getting into the character of Spencer missing her child, I can only imagine what poor Isabel's parents are going through.

xoxo.

Li


	13. I can't do this, but I'm doing it anyway

A/N - Alright, it took forever for me to update. I keep saying that I'll update more, and blahblahblah… but quite honestly, it took a while for me to formulate this chapter in my head. Toby is an incredibly hard character to write for me, I'm not sure why.. he just is. But, anyway, I really hope you enjoy it. I tried something a bit different… flashbacks galore ;). Anything italicized is a flashback!

Thank you all for the reviews, I could definitely use some ideas for coming chapters… so please, if you have any, let me know!

xx

_Spencer lay backwards on the awkward table, her eyes wandering around the room at different instruments. She'd never even had a gynecological exam before, and here she was having an ultrasound. Something about this felt wrong. She took a deep breath and looked over at Toby, smiling at the reassuring squeeze he gave her fingers. _

_"So, still think it's a boy?" Toby asked, trying to take her mind off of the cold goo the doctor was squeezing onto her bare stomach. Spencer half smiled and nodded, she was almost positive. She couldn't imagine raising a girl, not after the childhood she'd had with Melissa. She had no idea how to be a good mother to a baby girl. A boy would be different, she could read books and discover what it was like to parent a boy, she wouldn't become __**her**__ mother. It HAD to be a boy. She was carrying low, and her mother had told her that with both her and her sister she'd carried high, her symptoms also matched up to everything she'd read on message boards from women expecting boys - there was no way she was wrong. Hastings were never wrong. _

_"Well, Ms. Hastings, You're in for a surprise," The doctor said after a few moments of moving the paddles over her skin, "Because that right there - " He pointed to the screen, "Tells me that you're most definitely having a baby girl."_

_Spencer's eyes widened as Toby gasped in surprise. She nodded along as the doctor spoke to her about what to avoid, what she should be doing - she already knew, of course. She'd been buried in books since the day she found out. She was only half listening, and as soon as he left the room she burst into tears. Toby's brow furrowed,_

_"Spencer?" He asked, he stood immediately at her side, "What's wrong?" _

_Spencer sniffed and shook her head,_

_"I can't have a girl, It has to be a boy. We already named him… Holden, we.. we're not prepared for a girl, I__**'m **__not prepared for a girl…" She grabbed a tissue from the doctors station and wiped her eyes, "This can't happen."_

_"What?" Toby almost laughed, "Spencer… it's okay that you were wrong. We'll chose another name…" He thought for a moment, "Holly is similar, it would still represent the same thing…" He mused, placing his hand on the small of her back and rubbing gently as she continued to cry. _

_"No. You don't get it," She shook her head vigorously, "I never wanted a daughter. I never wanted to bring a girl into this world… in fact, I never wanted to bring a baby into the world we're living in… Girls are vulnerable. Girls.. " She took a deep breath in attempt to stop her sobs, "Girls are so mean to each other. I hate being a girl. She's going to hate __**me**__ because I'm going to turn into __**MY**__ mother…" She sounded almost childish as she spoke, but Toby understood. She'd never had a great relationship with either of her parents, Spencer's mother was never the most nurturing, in fact, she terrified Toby. Spencer had also been through a lot in the past few years - first her sister turning on her, then Wren and his suave yet creepy self, and worst of all the whole ordeal with A. He knew that's what was scaring her most, Mona had been caught, but the girls had started receiving messages again that were just as ominous. Toby and the girls hovered over Spencer as if they were her own personal guard dogs. No one, especially not the new 'A', was going to get to Spencer or her baby as long as they were around. It had proved to be a difficult task, but so far they'd managed to keep her out of harms way. _

_Toby loosely wrapped his arms around her body, resting his lips resting against her temple as he kissed her hair softly. _

_"Baby, boy or girl it's not going to be easy. We knew that when we decided to raise our child," He sighed, holding her close, "And you are not your mother. You never will be… She will never hate you, I'll make sure of that." His words seemed to calm her down a bit, he wiped the tears off her cheek and kissed her lips gently, his hands finding their way to her belly, "I love you so much Spencer Jill. She will too. Never doubt that." _

His heart raced as she leapt into his arms, her cries mixed with his own as he sank to his knees. She buried her face in his shirt as he rocked her back and forth in his arms. Nothing made sense to him at that moment, but it didn't matter, nothing mattered. It didn't matter that he had collapsed with her in the middle of a busy hallway, it didn't matter where she'd been, or who had taken her, it didn't even matter that it had been three years. If Toby were struck dead at that very moment, it wouldn't have mattered. His baby girl was safe, alive, and he knew that no one would be able to hurt her from this moment on.

Their mixture of cries subsided after a long while, no one dared to disturb them. Toby stood shakily, still clinging to his daughter as he looked up at the doctors and nurses surrounding them. Until this point, the only person who had ever seen him cry was Spencer, but to his surprise the staff appeared to be just as emotional as he felt. He carried Holly through the crowd, heading for the room he had been told his wife was recovering in.

Spencer was sedated from the heavy amount of medication she had been dosed with, he sat down on the edge of Spencer's bed, laying backwards with Holly in his arms, it wasn't long before she had cried herself to sleep from exhaustion.

_She took one last glance in the mirror before heading towards the stairs, her hair fell around her face in perfect curls, her makeup was neatly and sparingly applied to her face - Spencer was never one to wear too much. Toby watched as she walked towards him, his mouth hung open slightly when he saw her. How had he gotten so lucky? His look of awe turned to a smile when he regained his composure, he held his hand out as she approached, taking her dainty fingers in his own calloused ones. She smiled shyly, smoothing her dress down over her body with her free hand. She paused for a moment, her fingers lingering over the small bump on her stomach, the only fluctuation in her otherwise perfect figure. Toby noticed, he couldn't help but let out a slight chuckle._

_"You look amazing," He squeezed her fingers before placing his hands on her tiny waist and pulling her closer to him, "Absolutely beautiful"_

_She smiled when he spoke, shaking her head a little in disbelief. _

_"Stop that," He rested his forehead against hers, he could see her doubting his words, "You are, you take my breath away, Spencer."_

_She loved the way he said her name. She loved the way his voice sounded when he was talking to her, it was different then any other time he spoke. There was a delicacy in his words, it was as if she'd never heard anything as pure - she could almost feel the love radiating from his words. She looked back at him, biting her bottom lip to keep from smiling too wide. The butterflies in her stomach were at it again, they returned every time she and Toby shared a special moment, without fail. _

_"Thank you," She studied his face for a moment before kissing him gently, "And thank you for doing this. I know you didn't exactly want to." _

_Truth be told, Toby would always prefer spending a Saturday night in front of the fireplace in the barn, her head resting in his lap as he stroked her hair gently. Spencer would eagerly recite passages of her favorite novels to him, and he would listen, more enthralled by the sound of her voice than the words that she was speaking. It had become somewhat of a tradition for the couple over the past few months, Spencer and Toby had stopped attending parties with her friends when the couple found out they were unexpectedly expecting. At first spending so much time at home had been a bore, but soon spending lazy nights with Spencer had become Toby's favorite pastime. But, here they were, moments before heading to Spencer's senior prom - a last hurrah for Rosewood's graduating class. Toby shook his head, his lips aching to continue the kiss,_

_"It's your prom, I wasn't going to let you miss it," He looked down at her belly, a smile appearing on his lips, "I want tonight to be good for you, when she gets older I want you to be able to tell her about how her daddy took her mommy to prom, and I want to be able to tell her how she looks just as beautiful as her mommy did that night," Spencer's heart completely melted at his words, she watched as he kissed his palm before placing it on her stomach. _

Spencer awoke to find her husband and daughter asleep in the bed with her. She blinked, making sure she wasn't dreaming - it had all been real, Jenna, Garret… Holly. She watched as Holly and Toby slept, their rhythmic breathing in sync, Holly rising and falling with the movement of Toby's chest. She looked around the room, her eyes falling on Emily asleep in the chair next to the bed with Shiloh in her arms. When had she arrived? How long had she been asleep? Spencer looked over at the clock, 3AM. She couldn't remember what time everything had happened, and she definitely couldn't remember Toby crawling into the bed with her. She sat up slowly, careful not to wake Toby or Holly, and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. The pain in her arm had also dulled drastically, which she was thankful for.

"Mommy?" A small voice came from Emily's lap, Shiloh looked back at her, her large brown eyes full of worry. Spencer quickly stood and rushed over to her before she could wake anyone. She smiled,

"Hey baby girl… are you okay?" She asked, gently pushing the toddler's messy bed-head out of her face. Shiloh nodded and climbed off Emily, who stirred a bit in her sleep.

"Mommy, that's my sistuh," Shiloh pointed and a sleeping Holly, "Auntie Em said"

Spencer nodded, sitting down on the floor and pulling Shiloh into her lap. She thought carefully about how to proceed, because truth be told, she didn't KNOW what Holly had been through. All she knew was who had taken her, and where she was kept for the past three years.

"Mommy she preetty," Shiloh spoke again, sensing Spencer's unease. Spencer had to smile at that, she nodded, willing herself not to cry.

"Yes baby, she is. She's beautiful, just like you." Spencer sighed, holding Shiloh close against her chest as she looked over at Toby and Holly, to her surprise, Toby was looking back at her with a huge smile on his face. He brought his finger to his lips, signaling for her to be quiet, and she understood. She nodded, returning his smile. She stood and pulled Shiloh up against her hip with her good arm. "Let's go back to sleep, okay?"

Shiloh nodded, she was already dozing on Spencer's shoulder. Spencer climbed carefully back into the bed, adjusting the little girl in between them. She kissed Shiloh's forehead before looking back up at Toby. She wanted to just wrap her arms around him and sob, she didn't understand all of the emotions inside her at the moment, but she knew one thing - she had never felt this complete.

"I love you," Spencer whispered, closing her eyes against his forehead. He kissed her nose gently,

"I love you more than you know, Mrs. Cavanaugh…"

_"One more big push Spencer, you're doing great," The doctor said as Spencer cried out in pain. _

_"You've got this," Toby reassured her, but he'd never been more terrified in his life. He was exhausted, Spencer had been in labor for almost eighteen hours. He'd been relieved when the doctors finally said Spencer was ready to push, but Spencer didn't share in his enthusiasm. She couldn't ever remember being as tired as she was, or in as much pain. _

_"I can't do this, I'm telling you I can't do this!" Spencer cried out. She wasn't even a mother yet, and she'd already failed, or so she thought. Toby shook his head, leaning in close to her face._

_"Yes. Yes you can. You have to," He said, his words were lost in another scream emitted from Spencer as she tried to push. This back and forth lasted for a good fifteen minutes, Spencer doubting herself, the doctors and nurses urging her to push, Toby reassuringly clutching her hand and whispering in her ear. When it was over, there was a tense moment before a tiny cry emerged from the newborn. The nurse carried the baby to Spencer, placing her in Spencer's shaky arms. _

_"Oh my god," Toby couldn't find any other words. There she was. Spencer tore her eyes away from the infant to look up at him, her eyes were still filled with tears, but he knew these tears weren't from pain, "Baby you did it. Look at her. She's perfect," Toby stumbled as he reached over to touch the cheek of his new baby girl. Spencer nodded, letting out a small happy cry,_

_"She is. Oh, Toby… she's absolutely beautiful," Spencer looked back down at the baby in her arms, her heart felt so full that it felt like it might burst. The amount of love she had for this tiny little girl she'd never truly met before and the man at her side was immeasurable. Nothing mattered anymore, not Melissa, not A, not Rosewood… This was her life now. It was in that moment that she knew her life had truly begun. _

Spencer blinked at Toby, shaking her head gently.

"I do know… I swear it Toby, I know…" She said, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep once again.


End file.
